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Self Care Sunday

hi guys and welcome to another episode of self-care Sunday now first off before I dive into anything in today’s video I want to just give you all a very very very very very heartfelt thank you for the conversation that last week’s episode stirred up discussing my friendships with you opening up in this way where I was actually talking about examples from my personal life and not just giving you general tipn is you know what I mean by just giving you guys actual things actual information on what has happened for something I was nervous about but your comments your DM’s you’re mails you guys have been so kind to me with everything that I was like okay I can actually see myself doing this on a regular basis now I feel like in a certain way having your support not just on the series but for my channel in general makes me feel like I’m headed in the right direction and I officially just I don’t care anymore about or rather I’m on the journey to completely not care about things like numbers I just know that the people who are watching I if I can make a difference if I can make you feel like you’re not alone you really really really really are not alone then I will consider of my job being done I read your comments I heard the things you had to say I spoke to so many of you onInstagram DM I also shared a few of the screenshots without the names being revealed I always scratch the names out on my stories so just thank you so much for all of the love on this on that episode from last week and I’m here andI’m ready to talk about something new today so as I always say let’s just dive into it so first things first I am gonna list on all of the makeup product details down below in the info box in case you do like how the final look turns out I would really like for you guys to check the info box always make sure that if I’m saying I will add a certain thing in the info box I really do and would just say it and forget about it um you know I read your comments from last week and one of the things as a pattern from what I saw was that so many of you’ll actually wanted me to talk about heart breaks and I was having this conversation with a few friends who have discussed this series with and also with Gerry and one of the things I realized was that maybe so many people want me to talk about heart breaks because you’ve had so many heartbreaks of your own and I feel very strongly about the fact that when you are a teenager you think that a heart break only involves a certain boy or a certain girl certain partner in some form but as a grown.

I’ve kind of realized I turned 29 last week so when I say as I’ve grown I feel like I’m probably you know what you guys should all go into the comments and tell me how old you are like stop right here and just put your age down in the comments I would love to know what age group precisely is watching my videos in this sense one of the things that I realized that 29 is that heartbreaks can be of so many different kinds I gave you guys an example of friendships in the previous video and I didn’t dive deep deep into it but I think I gave you a sense of how sometimes where people who just tend to do so much for others and those feelings or those actions are not necessarily always reciprocated and I think that that applies to your friendships that applies to your relationships that apply applies in a romantic context that could also apply with family where you do so much for a sibling or a parent or an aunt oran uncle and they just turn out to like you know not really appreciate you let alone reciprocate you so I feel that heartbreak is an emotion that so many people resonate with in so many different ways I am someone who definitely resonates with heartbreaks in various contexts but I think the main thing that I want to take away from that I will definitely be doing a video by the way about my heart breaks like literally on people I’ve met or liked orhad feelings for before I met Gerry that video is gonna come up but one of the things that I took away instantly was the fact that people struggle with heartbreaks and for me in my learnings in my limited experience were experienced nevertheless.

I think I realized the toughest thing to do is move on from that and when I say move on I don’t mean dump that friend and move on or dump that relationship in any form and move on I mean move on from that one thing that happened so I’ll give you an example over here when I was really close toa certain friend of mine again whom I’ve talked about in the previous video the first couple of times things happen between us she said I’m sorry and she said I’m sorry and you move on from that instance and move over thinking ok a yit’s done she he they will not repeat it again hopefully right sometimes they do repeat it and that happens and that pulls you back into this this cathartic pain off but we already and this conversation why is this happening again why are you doing it again are you doing it to hurt me or are you doing it intentionally like are you doing it knowing that it will hurt me or do you just not even take into consideration that it will hurt me you know what I mean so I feel like what I really wanna address here is so many of us have the ability to be like okay it’s okay move on but I actually am one of these people that takes time to move on and I feel just going by the kind of responseI got from you guys in the last video that maybe we have more people here who might need help moving on or who might take time moving on or who might just need that little extra nudge so I’m gonna give you guys another example here when someone messes up in a way that it directly hurts you you know and you can sit down and say that listen this is what hurt me and this is what upset me and please don’t do this again or this is what it triggered in me and that’s why it’s upsetting me open your channels of communication and I want to say something here and this is something I’ve personally experienced so many times when someone has said oh but you know you’re overreacting or oh you’re too emotional you’re too sensitive I’ve heard a lot of that in my life from people who I’ve considered close obviously in the past but I’ve realized I am never too emotional for someone who truly cares about my emotions you know what I mean like if someone really cares about your emotions you won’t be too emotional for them your emotional quotient will actually be a factor that they will love you more for because that makes you more sensitive that makes you more caring no you know what I mean am I am I putting it across correctly so I it’s I find it relatively easier to be in a space where if someone hurts you you can say okay you know what you’ve hurt me and so and so and sometimes you can see it in your head but you can say it out loud and that’s a huge challenge for even someone like me was pretty vocal in general but there are certain situations where I just let what’s in my head just stay in my head sometimes it’s because oh my god this is too much effort sometimes it’s because is this effort worth it sometimes it’s also because the person has hurt you so many times in the past that you are like you know what maybe like we’re not meant to be on that same level at that same frequency frequency is something I’m gonna circle back to in a couple of minutes maybe.

I definitely want to talk about that a little bit more in detail also for me one of the toughest things about really maintaining relationships friendships people like when I see relationships I don’t just mean romantic huh I mean even your friendship is a relationship so for me one of the toughest things about maintaining relationship is this weird mental block that I have and maybe I’m trying to dive in a little too deep into my philosophy here but bear with me for one minute there’s this quote and I can’t remember who its by it says the true essence of a man’s obviously /woman is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good you know whatI mean so you don’t just talk to people nicely who have been nice to you who have more Instagram followers than you or who are nice to you just because they are nice to you you should be nice to them I mean you need to be able to be nice to everyone so one of the struggles I’ve had in my life has really really this is like I feel like this is the center point of my half my own heart and half my own pain in life where people are being really nice to me but I can see them not being that way to others and I don’t want to say that that makes me judge them it’s not judged but it’s also judged like you know what I mean like if you are really nice to me but then you’re like really like you bitch about other people to me or your shady about other people to me you don’t that don’t don’t make it mucky you know what I mean I will tend to judge you a little bit over there I would like to say oh I’m someone who doesn’t judge but if you are going to be mean to someone else around me or I can see you be insensitive or just not nice to someone else the way you are to me that’s I feel like that’s the epicenter of half my pain because the thing is I don’t know how to communicate that hurt to someone and then I don’t know how to move on from that hurt to someone you know what I mean so if you’re someone who has struggled with someone not being nice to you you will notice that there are times in your life where this little light bulb will go off in your hand and you’re like this is what you should have said some people realize that much later like the argument is gotten over two days ago.

But the thing is that you need to be able to say what you want to say at that time and for you to be fully there you need to listen to what the opposite person has to say so many times I feel like human beings we tend to hurt someone because we’ve been hurt in that particular way so I had this friend who how do I say this so I had this friend who basically didn’t realize she was being really like not mean or harsh but like just cold you know sometimes you meet certain people and they’re warm and they’re nice and they’re nice and nice to talk to but I had this friend who is not really the warmest person in the room and it was because she always had people who were slightly mean to her growing up or bullied her while growing up while growing up and I realized that it was because she was always treated in a certain way but that’s the only way she knows how to reciprocate and now that reciprocate has gotten to becoming part of a natural behavior so I like to get into understanding why a person is behaving the way they’re behaving I’d like to see that if you’re hurt why are you hurt what hurt you is that pain causing you to hurt others sometimes my friends tell me this all the time my friends like you give people too much benefit of doubt one of my friends calls me mother Teresa junior she’s like you know what you go understanding things for everyone and you get taken advantage of but the fact of the matter is that I would rather get taken advantage of and be empathetic.

That’s not going to help anyone you know what I’m saying like that’s not gonna help anyone we all have pain we’re trying to move away from we’re trying to move on from for some it’s bigger pain it’s greater pain and for some it may be smaller things they may be a little bit more trivial but I like the way Tati Westbrook had said one of the things she said in a video last year she said just because you are in a full-body cast doesn’t mean my broken arm doesn’t hurt so we all have different levels of pain or hurt or things we’re trying to get over cuz we’re human beings we have been hurt over a period of time or we have hurt others over a period of time maybe that guilt carries us we’re all a bad person in someone’s story you know that I want to say for sure I digressing side note I had this instant I had this follower on YouTube and onInstagram who’s been following me for a really long time she’s been following me for maybe six seven eight years just last night it was the last thing I read before going to bed it was I think it was my it was my birthday log video she left a comment on and it said I’ve clicked on not interested and I don’t know why your videos keep popping up on my feed can you please block me you’ll be doing me a huge favor I don’t want to see her videos anymore something to that effect and I didn’t reply but maybe it’s because I feel a real connection with my followers because I do feel a genuine real connection with you guys like I know so many of your names I respond to your comments its me who is responding to your DM’s or taking screenshots of your story of yourDM’s and putting them on stories like I’m interacting with you and maybe it was because it was the last thing and I was sleepy and that made me emotional and I just for a minute like I felt my eyes go moist I was like that’s so mean like if you don’t want to see my videos just block me asking me to block you it’s like I’m giving you ammunition then you would turn around.

I don’t want to do that I won’t do and I refuse to do that if you don’t want to see my videos just don’t open my videos and I thought about it for a second I was like you know what someone must have really hurt her it’s just that like these small small things that we as human beings just need to learn to move on from you know in someway or the other and for some people it’s easier for some people it’s not but that doesn’t mean that the pain and the hurt can be compared at levels just because someone has a full body cast and someone else as a broken hand pain doesn’t mean you can compare the two I really like that Tati said that it seemed very honest to me and I’m sort of reminded of it by this ongoing lockdown stuff also where people are like you know say thank you say thank you I’m theI’m one of the people who’s like acknowledge your privilege acknowledge your privilege you’re not stuck at home you’re safe at home but at the same timeI also know certain people are really going through emotional breakdown since you know kind of getting cabin fever being cooped up in their homes for two or three months I am someone who is hired my own lows during this lockdown I feel like that deserves its own self-care sun day episode let me know if you guys want that the real struggles on what has happened during the lockdown for me and how I’ve tried to cope with it you know one of the main things about moving on is how do you actually start to move on for me I think that once I begin the process for myself it becomes automated after some time it I sort of go into emotion after some time kicking off how do I get over this situation this moment this incident this person I feel like it can be a little bit of a tough process in my life I’ve actually had to get over I’ve actually had to get over a lot of friendships which might sound strange to some but like I talked about the demoted friendship in my last week’s episode I feel like to me those things have really taken their toll for me I’m someone who’s always considered friendships and then people you build you see surround yourself with the people you build your little bubble your world around are very very very very important to me so I’m someone who has I will go I’m just I think my problem is that by nature I’m someone who will go the extra mile you know what I meanI will go out of my way to make sure you’re okay I will make sure you’ve reached home if it’s late in the night and you are driving by yourself or you’ve take nan uber I will probably come and Drive you home like that’s.

I think that is my biggest problem I shouldn’t call it a problem because it’s a good thing but I think that the doing acts that are so nice also somewhere subconsciously you tend to expect others to do the same for you so I’m unfortunately because of that expectation felt let down by so many people some have actually let me down and in some cases I think it’s my level of sensitivity that I need to work on I think it’s a it’s a fair share of both so I feel like when I’m trying to get over a certain person situation what ever it may be number one is I I go back to journaling like and someone who’s journaled on and off a lot in my life and what I will journal will be vent I love venting out my thoughts if you’re someone who can’t write down your thoughts it’s okay umm record voice messages for your self record a little selfie video keep these videos private of course for yourself I feel like when you hear what you have to say or when you read what you have what you have to say you start reasoning with the situation a lot better so for example a certain situation obviously if you’re hurt it makes you really like emotional na anything makes you emotional in that context so for you to look at something objectively and understand what the person did to upset you to hurt you and what you can do to make sense of it in the sense ke unhone jo kia kyu kia kind of a situation to just understand you have to be objective you know so for me the number one thing that I do is I start I start writing I start listening to my own thoughts and I start trying to understand that okay if this has happened how can I move from here and positively what can I take away from this incident I have to tell you obviously this is much easier said than done this takes time too this takes time to practice this takes time to master this takes time to even fully understand in all honesty because it sounds so simple na write down read hear your thoughts understand why that was it was coming from finding objective middle ground it sounds really simple but it’s some thing that took me a lot of time to just completely understand that this is actually a great process to move on in a way one of the other things that I also try to do when I’m really trying to move on from something and you will really need to find balance for this particular thing is I will try to focus on my self one of the things that I think by nature a lot of us tend to do is we talk about doing this for ourselves and doing that for ourselves you know I will eat better and I will work out better and I will do this for myself and I will sleep early and I’ll start yoga or working out or whatever I think that one of my ways of moving on is to try and focus on making myself a better version of myself today than I was yesterday I don’t think that there are any any any perfect people out there so you know what I get like Instagram DM’s from followers saying things like oh my god is there anything you can’t do like when I share my cooking and stuff they’re like you’re so perfect and everything and you’re this and your and I’m like no that’s not true nobody is perfect I mean am i trying to be a better version of myself yes I am and I think that for me that really really that we need to take personal examples here um I was 17 I know that I’ve talked about this when I liked this boy who said I wasn’t good looking enough for him and the way it hit my self-esteem at that time I cannot even begin to tell you like I have spent a lot of time trying to rebuild myself from there in a really weird and twisted way I also go ahead and give him credit because I tried so hard after that to make sure that I look good enough I am doing a lot of this today that I look good enough that I think somewhere it also boosted my usual dressing usual makeup and landed me in the career that I am so maybe it was it was meant to happen so when I try to move on from that in my life it was one of the toughest toughest phases because to me I just didn’t feel good enough for anything I didn’t feel enough forget about being good enough to actually to have a partner or boyfriend at that point of time at 17 I just felt like I wasn’t good enough for anything because I had been hit by this huge like this self-esteem blow had really knocked me over I had none of it left and I felt like my let’s say if I had a jar of self esteem which was maybe halfway up at 17you go through your ups and downs as a teenager I was suddenly left it was empty I had nothing left and I remember I told my mom about this and she was like are you serious did this happen and she played such a huge role in making sure that I got my self-esteem back she’s always been so encouraging and circling back to what I was saying I sort of learned to focus on myself a little bit more I learned that if I want to be it’s a really superficial phrase that I’m about to say please don’t judge me but this is true in our world if you want to be treated a certain way and you want to go somewhere right you have to behave the part before you actually get there it’s like if you want to be CEO you start need to dressing like a CEO and you look like a CEO and have the confidence of a CEO before you actually become a CEO and there’s a huge like you know like I sometimes I struggle with being on either side of this of this thought because I’m like you can’t think like a CEO before you’re a CEO that’s so hard on yourself but at the same time it’s the way people perceive you it’s what people make of you and I don’t think that this is just aMumbai India entertainment blogging glamorous industry thing I feel like you need to be able to exude a certain level of confidence and a certain level of huge respect or command respect in a certainty no matter who you are and where you are I’ll give you a simple exampleI got a 79 percent in my twelve standard board exam I did my junior college in commerce and I really really really wanted to do BMM keep in mind that I ama you know I don’t belong to any of the quota communities I wanted to go toJai Hind college here in Mumbai and my second option was national college which is very close to by like my mom’s house and my third option was MMK and I was like you know what I’m already in a already a MMK student I’m hoping I would get in MMK anyway but Jai Hind and Nationals seemed to be like really where I want to go andI didn’t get into either and literally I just didn’t get into eitherI had no quota both those colleges takes Sindi quota a few of the colleges that I’ve had just applied and all I just applied and kept it have Gujarati quota and I had no quota no nothing and I had a seventy nine point eight six percent if I remember correctly so I was like I’ll get in I’ll get in I’ll get in and I just didn’t get in to Nationals and I was like what is gonna happen and in MMK I got in on the third list which was which really pinched my ego obviously because I was seeing like my own really close friend who got a 62 got in on the first list at Jai Hind because she had a quota and obviously I felt very jealous and I’m very vocal about like I’m very vocal when I am happy for people also and I’m very vocal when I’m jealous with them so I called her up and said listen I’m very happy to you but you know what go to hell because I got like79 and she got 61 or 62 or something like that I can’t remember and this is like 2012 eight years ago and I was like and I’m still standing stuck and then finally I got in to MMK on like the third list and I was like oh my god like what is going to happen so when I actually started MMK again this was something that really like it really messed with my head because I was so scared I wasn’t going to get into anythingI had only applied for BMM everywhere I had not applied for anything else anywhere so imagine getting like a 79 percent and then thinking I’m not going to get in anywhere at all like what is happening I was really really really scared out of my mind and then when I did get into MMK and I got into BMMI came back home from giving them like my documents and getting my admission and my seat secured my seat and all of that and I remember I came back home and my mom was like you’re happy you got in it was your third priority and I said to my mom this is back in 2012 I said you know what I can’t believe that it took three lists for me to get my name with the 79% because like whatever I was really frustrated about the situation I said I promise I will do better and I will make it a point to be a rank holder in my bmm degree I’d never chased ranks ever before in school I was never a rank holder I did studies because I always enjoyed studying.

But I never was like ab may rank holder banke dikhayungi and when I was in college I literally out of six semesters through three years I was either second or third in every single semester there was one semester where I came forth and that was because that was the same semester where my exams literally started two days after Bombay times fresh face and I was the winner of Bombay times fresh face and I had spent two month’s prepping on that pageant so I had come forth that semester but my other five semesters I’ve literally come second or third I would slog my ass off andI would make sure that I moved on from that argh situation to like I will not let this happen to me again I feel like moving on can mean so many different things to so many different people so some people its just about acknowledging what happened and making them feel appreciated or apologized to and you know that that sometimes that’s all you want to hear sometimes that is literally all you wanna hear you just wanna hear and I’m sorry or you just want to hear a or I won’t do it again sometimes you just really want to see differed actions you want to make sure you see someone who is really making an effort to be in your life this has gone into becoming quite an elaborate look considering it’s aself-care sun day video I usually keep these looks simple or at least that’s what my plan has been but I’ve also had in mind for a little while that I’ve been wanting to do a rainbow inspired makeup look especially since its JuneI’ve been wanting to do that so I am glad that I got to do it while I was talking about something like moving on I think we all need to grow and evolve and learn a thing or two actually from the LGBTQIA community who have been through so much and are still moving on very strongly strength to strength with more of us joining there with more of us joining there and becoming they’re allies if anything I think it’s very important for us to be there for one another every time I talk about something that’s close to my heart I know that I’m going like 5,000 different directions but I’m glad that you guys are sticking with me through this journey I feel like I want to know more from you what would you want me to talk about I know I have heartbreaks from you guys and I want to talk about a few of my stories on that as well maybe next week let me know in the comments okay some of the other things that have crossed my mind that I feel I want to talk about is growing your business in a very cluttered space like just basically evolving as a human being but in the public eye like I feel like I’ve been in the public eye for the last eight years and of course with every year thankfully my audience has only grown but the pressures of it being able to live with this constant pressure of being present on social media but also living in the moment I feel like these things are very underrated and when I talk about this kind of stuff to my friends and most of my friends actually don’t belong to the digital community like I have a few close friends who have now I feel become friendly with in this industry but a lot of my friends most of my friends are actually people who don’t belong to the blogging industry so this is what the final look turned out like I’m really happy with how it worked out I was talking so much while doing this video but I’m glad that it worked out at least close to sort of similar to what I had in mind ok and I think I’ve shared a lot of my thoughts in today’s video I really hope that you guys enjoyed watching this please please please let me know what sort of topics you’d like for me to cover next up apart from heart breaksI want to know what other things that you see in your regular lives that you don’t hear enough about and if you don’t hear enough about it on the internet I definitely want to do my part in making you realize that if there is an imperfect part of your life you’re not alone you have company it can be anybody and everybody that might be able to resonate with a certain thought that you have so if you have a certain thought you can go ahead and leave it down below in the comments if you feel like you’re more comfortable discussing it with me then you can go ahead and DM to me or you would go ahead and email it to me and I’m sure we can have a conversation about it thank you so so much for tuning in I will see you guys in my next video bye guys

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